That night, after she went to bed, I lay in bedreading her diary. Her pain and anger was clear, her inability to tellme about herself driven by the fe...r that I would quit loving her. As Iread the pages, her torment became clearer, and I felt the tears formingin my eyes as she begged to have someone, anyone, try to understand her.Rather than hate my son, I began to see the depth of his feelings. Colinis a bright child, polite almost to a fault, always ready to help outwithout complaint, does his. He seemed nice and I hoped that he would be my protector if one was needed. How I got in this situation is interesting. I had received a phone call at my apartment around 2 AM from a black man from my past. He woke me up, gave me instructions on what to wear and where to drive and that is how I ended up at this rundown motel in a bad part of town. He told me to wear the same outfit I wore when I met him earlier in the year at a local CD club, a club where sissy white sluts like me go to get. We went back in and danced until it ended. We went back to my dorm and hung out listening to music. We talked some more and then I made the first move to kiss her. Denise stopped me to take off her glasses then we continued. Her lips were soft. We started touching tongues gently, playfully. I had my hand on her bare thigh, moving it slowly back and forth..just going underneath her skirt. Moving further and further up it. She had one hand on my chest and had moved it down my abdomen. She slid. Her lipswere full and formed a natural pout, she really was very sexy, I couldn'tbelieve I hadn't seen her before. My eyes travelled down her low cutdress, she was fairly well endowed and didn't seem to mind showing it offto the world. I could get lost in there, I thought. My eyes wandered upto her face just in time to see her looking straight at me with an amusedexpression. My face flushed red and I looked away, God how embarrassing. I turned my attention back to my drink, you've blown it with.
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